There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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