I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
