i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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