Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
