she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
