You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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