You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
