I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
