I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
