He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
