It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
