____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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