i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
