Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
