I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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