she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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