The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
