why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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