i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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