just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
People in love make me want to vomit
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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