He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
