Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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