My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
