i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
