ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
