i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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