he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
