Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
