Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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