I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
