THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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