so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
