I woke up to her vacumming the grass
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
