uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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