I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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