Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
