we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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