You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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