i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
