How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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