I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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