I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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