I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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