im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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