i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
