Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
