u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
