she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
