Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
