Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You were trust falling into bushes
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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