When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
