Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
