Is it because I queefed?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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