and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
