when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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