I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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