It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
