like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
