i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
