they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
