So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
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what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
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i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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