Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
