I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
