So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
