Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
