What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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