I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
