This is not my ceiling
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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