all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
