Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize