I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
