I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
