Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
